The Flying Spaghetti Monster

31 Jul

By now, most of you have heard of the flying spaghetti monster. If not, click here to read what it’s all about.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is a deity of a parody religion founded by Bobby Henderson in 2005 to protest the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design creationism as an alternative to biological evolution. In an open letter on his website, Henderson professes belief in a supernatural Creator entity that resembles spaghetti and meatballs called the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and calls for Pastafarianism to be taught in science classrooms, essentially invoking a reductio ad absurdum argument against the teaching of Intelligent Design

Why am I bringing up this tired meme of days gone by on the internets? Well, I stumbled upon the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s blog today and I was impressed with the amount of hate mail he receives. A selection of tasty bromides from the religious right:

If I was your creator and you mocked me in this manner I couldn’t think of a hell hot enough for you. It is really sad to think that at Judgement you will be standing in front of God Almighty and he will look at you and say “Depart from me ye worker of iniquity, I never knew you”

Why doesn’t anyone ever call ME a worker of iniquity? It’s a goal to strive for I guess…

I know that science, a religion in and of itself, is NOT the worlds answer to all of our questions. In truth, the scientific method taught in our schools is NOT the true scientific method.

O RLY?

I do believe you are a fucking retard and I hope you burn in hell. Fuck you and the flying spaghetti monster. You obviously think life is just a big damn joke. Its all for humor and entertainment. I look forward to the day it fucks you right in the ass.

That’s not very nice.

ust wait till you are standing in front of the gates of heaven. when god asks you “Why should I let you into Heaven?” what are you going to say? “let me in because i mocked you my entire pathetic life, said there was a god better than you, made of spaghetti and meatballs. let me in.” right. thats the point you go to hell. you are a stupid little guy with no girlfriend, so you’re depressed. writing about your fake, gay loving man whore god. to get attention. all its gonna get you is a foot so far up your a** your gonna have ingrown toenails growin out your ears.

Who knew that God had ingrown toenails?

17 Responses to “The Flying Spaghetti Monster”

  1. pauldub August 1, 2006 at 11:07 am #

    It is blatantly obvious that he has a sense of humor…

  2. LC Scotty August 1, 2006 at 11:20 am #

    You, sir, are a worker of iniquity.

  3. KevinP August 1, 2006 at 12:04 pm #

    I don’t even know what a “worker of iniquity” is…

    But to carry over from another blog’s comments, it’s not a hippie, right?

  4. BuffaloGeek August 1, 2006 at 1:17 pm #

    Thank you Scotty, I feel oddly fulfilled.

    As an aside, I’ve always wanted my boss to come storming into my office to scream the following: “YOU’RE A LOOSE CANNON, SMITH!!!#! A GOD DAMNED LOOSE CANNON!”

  5. BuffaloGeek August 1, 2006 at 1:17 pm #

    Actually Kevin, I think it is a hippie. A dirty one at that.

  6. eac August 1, 2006 at 4:25 pm #

    the FSM is simply, like Bob, another avatar of Eris.

    In case you’re wondering, Eris eats dirty hippies and spits out shiny neo-cons. She can turn a fire into baby food with her steely gaze. Her middle name is “Alice”, and she once crashed a very exclusive party. She has a mansion and a yacht. She can grill an elk-burger with her mind and in her mind. World leaders feel strangely nauseous in her presence, and she reeks of yellow-orange. She reliably birdies the 7th hole at St. Andrews, and never gets a shopping cart with a wobbly wheel. Once, some guy asked her the meaning of life and a cow answered “Mu.”

    Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!

  7. Pauldub August 1, 2006 at 8:41 pm #

    Back to that loose cannon thing again, are we?

  8. Chasmodai August 1, 2006 at 9:31 pm #

    According to Pastafarian doctrine, there is a direct link between global warming and the decline of pirates.

    When I stand before the pearly gates, I plan to say: “Avast ye matees!”

    I think God loves a good joke. And She especially loves pirates.

  9. pauldub August 2, 2006 at 7:59 am #

    Eris and Pirates. Some people have a thought process with more nooks and crannies than a Thomas’ english muffin.
    But it makes for a great read while I’m stuck on hold…

  10. hank kaczmarek August 3, 2006 at 2:56 pm #

    Organized Religion–Ya gotta love it.

    All the Baptists down here talk about a Loving, Caring, and Forgiving God, who will cast your soul into a Lake of Fire if you don’t attend Church and tithe your earnings into their plate.

    I don’t get that.

    Clarence Darrow’s hypothesis in the Scopes trial makes it clear.

    1. The sun was not created until The Third Day, according to Genesis.
    2. That means the 1st 2 days could have been of indeterminate length,
    If 25 hours is possible, is not 100 million years a possiblity for the 1st day?

  11. pauldub August 3, 2006 at 3:02 pm #

    My father was a minister, and he would have agreed with you one hundred percent. Of course, he was an educator before that, so he saw both sides of the story.

  12. BuffaloGeek August 3, 2006 at 3:05 pm #

    Hank, doesn’t that beg the question as to how we define time in the first place? Time and dates on a calendar are completely arbitrary and have been reassigned and re-devised thousands of time over the millenia.

    As George Carlin once asked: “The question isn’t where are we but, WHEN are we?”

  13. pauldub August 3, 2006 at 3:32 pm #

    It’s all personal perception in a way.
    Good times flash past, Bad times drag on forever. Calendars and clocks were invented so you could be late for something.

  14. eac August 4, 2006 at 1:32 am #

    case in point: today is Sweetmorn, Confusion 70th of the YOLD 3172, according to the Erisian calendar. So.

    Time = an instrument by which we measure change; most specifically, (for those of us with computers hitting the US atomic clock from time to time (ha!)), the vibrations of a cesium atom, though of course historically the movement of either the sun or moon. it’s just one of many many useful constructs. Like… “life”

    Then again… our very biological beings–not to mention our crop cycles–are sensitive to the same rhythms (ok, not the atom; the sun, though), so it’s not the stupidest thing to go about using as an instrument. And in fact, we are so married to using that rhythm that even the cool, clean movement of an atomic particle is re-aligned (via leap year, e.g) to our solar, Gregorian calendar.

    fun stuff, time.

  15. BuffaloGeek August 4, 2006 at 7:44 am #

    Ethan is smrt. Seriously.

  16. pauldub August 4, 2006 at 10:08 am #

    Scary smart. Must be the beer.

  17. eac August 4, 2006 at 3:42 pm #

    it is the drink
    of men who think
    and feel no fear nor fetter
    who do not drink
    to senseless sink
    but drink to think the better!

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