Much Ado About Sod All

25 Apr

Shakespeare is to inaccessible to British schoolkids, so satirist Martin Baum has come up with chav Shakespeare. It’s Ali G meets the Bard. The title of his book?

“To Be or Not to Be, Innit.”

(Chav is defined here).

Here’s the list of titles:

ALL’S SWEET THAT ENDS SWEET, INNIT
‘AMLET, PRINCE OF DENMARK
ANT AND CLEO
AS YOU LIKES IT
DE ‘APPY BITCHES OF WINDSOR
DE MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM
DE TAMING OF DE BITCH
JOOLS CAESAR
MACBEFF
MEASURE FOR DE MEASURE
MUCH ADO ABOUT SOD ALL
OFFELLO
RICHARD DE FIRD
ROMEO AND HIS FIT BITCH JOOLS
TWO GEEZAS OF VERONA

Here’s a synopsis of the play known to us as “Romeo & Juliet”:

Verona was de turf of de feuding Montagues and de Capulet families. And coz they was always brawling and stuff, de Prince of Verona told them to cool it or else they was gonna get well mashed if they carried on larging it with each other. Meanwhile, whilst all dis was going on, Romeo, from de Montague posse, had become all jiggy jiggy with de Rosaline bitch who was de niece of de Capulet massive. But never ready to settle with just de one bitch, Romeo and his boyz disguised demselves and crashed de Capulet turf where dere was de masked ball going down, and that was when he saw de well fit Capulet’s daughta, Jools.

Respekt.

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