Thinking Outside the Box

28 Nov

From the Buffalo Ruse:

The New York State Department of Transportation has issued a dramatic proposal to eliminate the Buffalo Skyway by the year 2019. Instead of demolishing the structure, as a recent urban renewal commission has suggested, The DOT’s plan calls for raising the City of Buffalo itself to match the highest point of the 110-foot tall Skyway…

…State DOT Engineer Evan Brady says that according to the current architectural drawings, the top floor of virtually every tall structure in downtown Buffalo would serve as the first floor after the City is raised. “We would have a dramatic underground network of Grade A office space absolutely unique in the entire nation.” The major exceptions to this are City Hall and the HSBC towers, whose entry floors will be the 14th and the 21st floor respectively.

At a hastily convened press conference held under the aging span, Congressman Brian Higgins and former ambassador to Malta Anthony Gioia both sounded enthusiastic about the proposal. “We’re talking about an engineering feat that would bring tourists from around the world,” said Higgins. “What other city in the world will be able to claim that it eliminated a towering eyesore by raising itself to the same level of that very eyesore?”

Writing this from the comfort of a place that is not just a tourist mecca, but actually has seen other economic sectors thrive in recent years, it’s poignant the shit we’re worried about in Buffalo.

6 Responses to “Thinking Outside the Box”

  1. Russell November 28, 2008 at 10:27 am #

    In the past quarter, home values have increased about 1% in the Buffalo metro area while they declined almost 5% in the San Diego metro area. San Diego is in the top 20 for highest foreclosure rates in the country while Buffalo is in the bottom 10. So it’s not all rosey and thriving in every economic sector over in that tourist mecca.

  2. al-alo November 28, 2008 at 3:18 pm #

    I assume that lake Erie’s level will have to be raised as well.

    Looks like we’ll need a string of desalinization plants along the east coast with thousands of miles of aqueducts, and coal fired power plants to run the pumping stations.

  3. STEEL November 28, 2008 at 4:30 pm #

    Is this a tryout for the Onion?

  4. Frank Brutus November 28, 2008 at 8:56 pm #

    What’s The Onion?

  5. Jon Splett November 28, 2008 at 10:18 pm #

    Buffalo Ruse = my new favorite local site.

  6. Punch Imlach December 1, 2008 at 1:33 pm #

    The Ruse’s piece on the skyway has arguably surpassed the excellence of their piece on the City’s dalliances with Bass Pro.

    Which is saying something, really.

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