Champions of Traditional Marriage

24 Jun

And here is marriage advice from Governor Mark Sanford (R-South Carolina) to a since-deleted blog:

Dear Stephen,

Thanks for your letter, and congratulations on your wedding in June. You were generous enough to ask for a few pearls of wisdom on the marriage front, so here are a few thoughts from one who has yet to earn all his marriage badges in this chapter of life.

If memory serves me correctly, I’m thinking about a Scott Peck book called The Road Less Traveled. This book, or one I’m confusing with it, talks about moving from independence or dependence to interdependence. My sense of an ideal marriage – and it takes experiences together, time and maturity to reach this point – is that you have the union of two people perfectly able to stand on their own. They come together knowing that their lives will be more fulfilling and meaningful by choosing to build a life together. In this regard, view your marriage as a partnership, and extend to your wife the same courtesies in communication you would extend your business partner. Suprisingly a lot of couples don’t, and from unintentional and small communication lapses grow big differences. Jenny and I try to consult with one another a lot, and it has paid dividends.

Forgive – and forget. Apologize. In James the Bible says never let the sun set on your anger. It is great advice. If you have to stay up all night fussing until the issue is resolved, do it. Don’t let
anyone go to bed brooding because only bad will grow from it. In resolving these issues, take Steven Covey’s advice from his book The Seven Habits. He says seek first to understand – then to be understood.

The Bible charges men with the role of head of household. We set the tone and among other things are responsible for the spiritual condition of the household. Be willing to assume leadership. Part of that means to love her when that is not the mood of the day, she will respond, but you have to consistently take that all important first step. God gave you a mission in life, be sure to in some way incorporate her in it. She will be thankful and like all women want to be part of a mission impossible that is bigger than just cleaning dishes and washing the baby’s diaper.

Thank her for the little things she does. I do a poor job of this, and it is worth focusing on.

Keep it fun. Don’t let spontaneity die. Take time to smell the roses along the all too short path called life.

My life has been made richer by our friendship Stephen. Thank you again for it and again congratulations.


Mark Sanford

The difference, dear reader, is that Republicans constantly moralize to people about family values. Otherwise, no one would really care a lot. If you oppose gay marriage and say it will harm traditional marriage, I’d argue that the actions of Mssrs. Sanford and Ensign are worse.

24 Responses to “Champions of Traditional Marriage”

  1. The Humanist at 6:08 pm #

    As if there was any doubt……then-Congressmen Mark Sanford voted in favor of three of four articles of impeachment against President Bill Clinton, citing the need for “moral legitimacy.”

    You know…the “moral legitimacy” that drives you to abandon your job and your wife and kids to fly thousands of miles to bang your mistress. Thanks again for the family values lesson, GOP.

  2. Mike In WNY at 8:27 pm #

    There are plenty of marital indiscretions on both sides of the mainstream political fence. Generally, I don’t care and don’t think it matters whether an elected official has an affair. The only exception that comes to mind is Eliot Spitzer because he was a hypocrite.

  3. kris at 9:12 pm #

    Mike in WNY you are the hypocrite. Why can’t you comment on this blog and be like “man, that Sanford is such a douche. Anyone that would do that to his family is a dick.” Instead it’s “There are plenty of marital indiscretions on both sides of the mainstream political fence” I agree that it doesn’t matter if an elected official has an affair – but this GOVERNOR did not just have an affair – get it? I know that you won’t & you will just argue, argue, argue until you think that you are right. That is what you do here – kind of like the town jester. I do not comment on blogs for a living like you and your ilk do. Just man up – this guy is a fucking wacko.

    Fuck man – you are what is wrong with America.

  4. kris at 9:20 pm #

    Oh i just saw that he cried – so he must be sorry – i never saw Spitzer cry.

    Republicans – Fucking Crybabies.

  5. The Humanist at 9:40 pm #

    @ Mike in WNY – at least Spitzer bought American.

  6. STEEL at 9:47 pm #

    If you are going to make morals part of your platform then, yes it is important and it is news when it turns out you are big slimy hypocrite about those moral issues.

  7. Brian at 12:01 am #

    When it comes to morals and family values, Republican conservatives are incredibly arrogant. If you are amazed at the Republican elected leaders who are hypocrites, can you even imagine the percentage of their base (who live in anonymity) that likely engage in hyporcritical behavior?

    Can the Republicans sink any lower image-wise at this point? What a bunch of losers.

  8. David Allen at 12:04 am #

    In many past cultures, servants were castrated because it was thought that eunuchs were more trustworthy as government officials or civil servants. Maybe they were onto something.

    We should think about adding another step to the official swearing-in ceremony.

  9. Mike Walsh at 12:18 am #

    Wake up people. Adultery is a bipartisan pastime with politicians.

    Screwing and cheating is in their makeup.

  10. Pete at BS at 7:24 am #

    @ Mike Walsh – That is true, man, but the Dems haven’t made morality a platform plank.

  11. Russell at 7:34 am #

    Yes, Mikes, I think you’re both missing the point. This is a fair attack and assessment because they set themselves up as higher standards. Yes, it’s true that indiscretions occur on both sides, but when certain people make statements about morality and protecting the sanctity of marriage, it’s fair game to hold them to the standard of their own rhetoric. Yes, hypocrisy is what ultimately brought down Spitzer and it should bring these two hypocrites down as well.

  12. Matthew Coons at 10:53 am #

    Why is hypocrisy any worse than cheating on your spouse? Do you people who are hammering Gov. Sanford on hypocrisy really believe, like it sounds, that if he hadn’t been a defender of “traditional” marriage, that his adultery would have been ok? He commited adultery and his political views on certain issues are irrelevant to this fact. Adultery is wrong regardless of whether he is also a hypocrite.

  13. Ethan at 5:09 pm #

    He commited adultery and his political views on certain issues are irrelevant to this fact. Adultery is wrong regardless of whether he is also a hypocrite.

    No, his political views are absolutely germane to this issue: He is BOTH an adulterer (wrong) and a hypocrite (wrong again!). Put another way:

    From Bob Livingston to Newt Gingrich, the hypocrisy of sanctimonious, Bible-thumping, family-values-espousing GOP politicians who get caught with their pants down has become a national joke. Until Republicans abandon their judgmental moralism about all things sexual, their marital peccadilloes will inspire schadenfreude, not sympathy.

    link, italics mine.

  14. STEEL at 5:18 pm #


    No one said his adultery is OK. It is his business except that he made it everyone’s business by making his so called family morals part of his politics. No one wouldhave cared about his adultery if he did not carry the holier than thou family values torch so high and so proud.

  15. The Humanist at 5:34 pm #

    @ Matthew Coons – no one is saying that if Gov. Sanford hadn’t been such a sanctimonious prick, his adultery would have been OK. Far from it…it just makes him even more of an asshole.

    His political views on certain issues are absolutely relevant to his inability to keep his dick in his pants. When he was a Congressman, he was more than happy to pass judgement on other Americans’ rights to enjoy the same recognition and benefits he enjoy(ed) in his marriage because he supported “moral legitimacy”

    We all see now what this sanctimonious prick’s definition of “moral legitimacy” is. Governor Sanford deserves everything he receiving and more because he is a hypocritical, craven, homophobic cretin who shouldn’t be allowed to govern the dog-catching department of Mayberry, let alone the chief executive responsibility of the state of South Carolina.

    Nice attempt at a strawman, anyway.

  16. buffaloshark at 7:26 pm #

    As I posted yesterday:
    Gov. Sanford should resign, and any of his staff that lied about where he was should be arrested for committing fraud against the people of SC.

    I’m sick and tired of these politicians being slime balls

  17. hank at 8:24 pm #

    I’ll give all your liberals and democrats one thing—you sure as HELL don’t campaign on morality.

    ANY sexual perversion or adultery isn’t just tolerated, it’s celebrated—and before you try to disown the pedophiles, the ACLU–Not a Conservative group, defends NAMBLA at every turn—-there you go, easy now.

    Murder of the unborn, in ghastly ways—not just tolerated–celebrated.

    Driving your car off a bridge and letting a young woman drown—opens the door to a lifetime career in the Senate, and considered the Moral Compass of the Democratic Party—- Won’t let ya be President though.

    SItting in the Oval Office as the most powerful man in the world, having a chat with the Israeli Prime Minister while getting your dick sucked by a girl young enough to be your daughter? Not just tolerated, but defended as personal conduct—and THEN celebrated.

    I’ll tip my hat to you—Liberals and Democrats make absolutely no fucking pretense that they are immoral scum. And they’ll get no argument from me.

    Preachers do it—Politicians do it—-and average citizens do it. And it’s totally fucking repulsive. No matter who you are or WHAT party or ideology you subscribe to.

    Spitzer, being a good Democrat, took his dick and went home, and made no fucking apology for his actions. Probably not to his wife either.

    Any person holding public office who does this should go home too. There’s no defense for it. Must be something about the power that makes these guys do what they do. Pelosi wants to, just can’t find anyone to even put an American flag over that Michael Jackson looking face of hers and do the job for Old Glory.

  18. The Humanist at 11:49 pm #

    Hey Hank – it was one of your heroes, from the Republican side, that got caught being a sanctimonious, hypocritical prick. I know that your knee-jerk reaction is to spew “Kennedy-ACLU-Pelosi” nonsense, but…..let’s be clear.

    A Republican Governor, someone who was being groomed to run for national office in 2012, just admitted that he was putting his dick in something other than his wife. Said governor made a lot of hay the last few weeks opposing the stimulus package and gay marriage.

    Nothing excuses the fact that the GOP is filled with hypocritical morons who want to decide what other people do with their lives when they can’t even keep the marital vows.

  19. David Allen at 12:19 am #

    As a liberal democrat, I disagree with some of what Hank says – but he’s right on the money here….

    “Any person holding public office who does this should go home too. There’s no defense for it.”

    Having an affair in office is not an elected official’s personal business – it’s everyone’s business. If your personal conduct is decadent, then they’re probably show the same lack of care in their business dealings. That’s why the government delves into your personal life before granting a security clearance. That’s why lawyers have to pass a character and fitness review before being admitted to practice.

    Sanford should crawl away – not because of his party affiliation, but because he stole taxpayer money and abandoned his elected duties to break a commitment he made to his spouse.

    I’m in the army – if I ‘borrowed’ a government vehicle and went AWOL for a week to screw with another woman, I would lose my clearance and my job, be demoted to private, charged criminally under military law and probably be dishonorably discharged. When I was practiing law, doing the same thing with a client’s money would have gotten me disbarred and (again) probably charged criminally. Why is the bar set lower for elected officials?

  20. Ethan at 9:45 am #

    Why is the bar set lower for elected officials?

    Um, I think its because they set the bar.

    I think a better question is: why do we expect elected officials to be any different than anyone else? Or sports figures? When the Republicans hitched their wagon to the UberXtian train, they set themselves up for this.

    Role Model status isn’t conferred upon you by a job, it’s conferred upon you by living a role model’s life- whether it be in the public eye or in obscurity.

  21. hank at 10:39 am #

    Humanist—you look at heterosexual sex like having your asshole sewn shut—
    please try not to pontificate about morality. BTW, have you gone to the abortion clinic yet and sat at the business end of the table and watched? Thought so.

    Our Political Class is morally bankrupt—if not sexually in other ways just as repusive—-doing the knee-jerk shit that Humanist started in this thread pointing fingers at the other party or side of the equation is pointless—ALL of them are morally bankrupt or they would never vote on bills they never read, tell the government to print money to invite inflation, etc. I just wanted to remind those on the left pointing at Governor Sanford that
    1. he did the same thing Eliot Spitzer did—and you moved on from that quickly—
    2. when you’re pointing, three of your digits are POINTING BACK AT YOU—so don’t point to quick, eh?

  22. The Humanist at 11:28 am #

    @ Hank – “1. he did the same thing Eliot Spitzer did—and you moved on from that quickly—

    Yeah….because Spitzer resigned, genius.

    Do I go down to the Wendy’s and tell you how to operate the deep fryer?

  23. Matthew Coons at 3:47 pm #

    Just because Gov. Sanford is a hypocrite doesn’t mean his political views are incorrect. For example, if I had children that I was constantly encouraging to work hard in school, do all their homework, try as hard as possible to get good grades etc. that would be a good message to send to my children would it not? Let’s assume that at the same time I was going back to school for job training or something. If I were lazing around in class and just barely doing enough work to get by would that make the message to my kids wrong? No. That would make me a hypocrite and a bad father but that wouldn’t make the message, education and hard work are important, wrong.

  24. Matthew Coons at 3:49 pm #

    Put another way just because I have standards and fail to live up to those standards does not mean the standards are the ones that are broken.

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