Illuzzi vs. Rudnick, PolitiFAIL 2010 Sweet Sixteen

29 Mar

There is a famous courtroom scene in the TV show “The Wire” in which Omar Little explains to an attorney how he makes his living robbing drug dealers and noted that there is little difference between himself and the attorney.

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Joe Illuzzi is Buffalo’s Omar Little.  He has staked out a lawless territory of shaking down politicians for money in exchange for a promise that he will not publicize their actual, alleged or completely imagined (by Illuzzi) indiscretions.  Not only do Illuzzi’s business ethics mirror those of Mr. Little, they both have prodigious criminal records in their past.

Court records indicate that Mr. Illuzzi has attempted to rob a bank, failed to pay child support and has accumulated nearly $100,000 in tax liens and judgments for not paying his taxes on time, kiting checks and other various and sundry business scams. I have a pretty thick manila folder which contains all the documentation and it is impressive.  Essentially, Mr. Illuzzi has created an entire career “exposing” or (allegedly) threatening to extort those who have done less sinister things than he…all if they won’t buy an ad on his website.  Illuzzi manufactures a culture of fear, arrogance and selfishness in our politics that is at the very root of why we fail to progress as a region.  He is a sexually transmitted canker on the lip of this city and county, an enabler of the politics of personal destruction and a provocateur of political dysfunction.  He is the used condom on the floor of the no-tell motel that is WNY politics.  But, as Omar Little likes to say…

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Andrew Rudnick is the Smithers to Robert Wilmer’s Mr. Burns.  A feckless bow-tied sycophant who collects failure the way Smitthers collects Malibu Stacy dolls.

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Rudnick is the carnival barker in charge of the Buffalo Niagara Partnership, and nominal leader of the business community.  Rudnick routinely claims that his organization is fighting for lower spending in New York, lower taxes for businesses, but he then endorses status quo politicians and advocates for billions in local spending.

Rudnick heads a half-assed, unaccountable chamber of commerce that bleats endlessly about excessive taxes and government spending on the one hand, but demands $500 million in government handouts for its members’ pet projects on the other hand.  I’d like to sum up the message of the Buffalo Niagara Partnership as follows:

“Stop taxing us to death, you’re making it hard to do business in this state with all of your spending that does not directly benefit us and what we deem to to be the priorities.  Also, please make the money appear from thin air because as mentioned above, we hate taxes and government dependence and whatnot!”

His two-fisted ham sandwich of uncoordinated messaging earns him roughly $300,000 per year in salary and the right to stick his nose in just about every planning or governmental decision in the region.  Even with such a fat wallet, he seemingly can’t get a date.

We thought we’d help Dr. Rudnick of find his match by providing a little advice for his personal advertisement.

Must Hate Carl Paladino and Love Dogs

SWM with affinity for bowties seeks SWF who enjoys long walks on the beach, puppies, rainbows, rainstorms, and remaining silent during lenghty periods of economic and political upheaval.

My match should enjoy blowing up organized business groups to serve ego of herself and friends.  She should have a professional track record of accomplishing little while being paid much and be willing to blame anyone but herself for the mess which surrounds her.  Responsibility and accountability are for the little people.  You should also enjoy giving footrubs to local plutocrats and patting yourself on the back for no good reason.

Favorite Books:  Green Eggs and Ham, The Little Engine That Could But Was Too Lazy and Content To Bother

Favorite Music:  Loggins and Messina, Dan Fogelberg, Bread, Creed, Nickelback

Favorite Movies:  Big Top Pee-Wee, Failure To Launch, Doomed To Failure

Good luck, Andy!  Let us know how it all turns out.

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One Response to “Illuzzi vs. Rudnick, PolitiFAIL 2010 Sweet Sixteen”

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  1. PolitiFAIL Tourney Results, Sweet Sixteen | WNYmedia.net - March 30, 2010

    […] Joe Illuzzi vs. Andrew Rudnick […]

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