PolitiFAIL Championship: Dale Volker vs. WNY Voters

1 Apr

State Senator Dale Volker

Dale Volker is so detestable that his own party chairman is considering a run against him – something unthinkable in local Republican politics.

Dale Volker is so detestable that there are a solid three (3) Republicans altogether running against him right now. David DiPietro, Lenny Roberto, and potentially Jim Domagalski.

Dale Volker is such a hypocrite that he and his staff cost the taxpayers over $1 million per year to basically do nothing except redistribute tax money.

Dale Volker is such a horrible human being that he and his surrogates bully, smear, and threaten people who politically oppose him or dare to run against him.

Dale Volker, were he a cop for the past 40 years, would have been a dirty one.

Dale Volker thinks you’re a dick.

Dale Volker has been in Albany for 40 years and has absolutely nothing to show for it, except for a reputation as an asshole and a big fat public pension.

Dale Volker hates “downstate people” (read: Jews, blacks, hispanics, other non-Germanic ethnics).

Dale Volker pretends to tolerate kids in his presence.

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Dale Volker pretends to be personable and approachable.

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Dale Volker meets with constituents at picnics and says words that do not correlate in any way to what the constituent is saying. The word is “doddering”.

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Dale Volker blames all of his problems on a noun beginning with the adjective “downstate”.

Dale Volker is tight with the unions.

Dale Volker supports the anachronistic and unnecessarily harsh Rockefeller drug laws, because his political career is thoroughly dependent on inmates, who count as “constituents”, even though they’re mostly from downstate, and cannot vote.

Dale Volker, to put it another way, owes his political career to the disenfranchised.

Dale Volker is from WNY, but wears a bolo tie.

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Dale Volker purports to represent his ridiculously gerrymandered district by railing against taxes and fees, yet he was very very recently a senior member of the Senate majority.

He’s nothing but a lot of talk and an expired badge. If there is any politician locally who deserves to be ejected from office and sent to live out his days in a bungalow near Siesta Key, chomping on a bland early bird dinner at 4:30 at some half-assed diner, berating the help, yelling at random minorities, and driving his tan Buick very slowly in the left lane, it is this septuagenarian, do-nothing malignant toad.

WNY Voters

Who aspires to mediocrity? Who strives for adequacy? Who rails against Albany, yet helps maintain a 95% incumbency success rate for the state legislature? Who listens to semi-literate, uninformed nonsense on AM radio and believes it to be true? Who re-elects dummies over and over? Who complains about party politics and party machines, yet refuses to get involved in local or countywide committees? Who bitches about the status quo, yet maintains a sub-50% turnout rate? Who has an intimate knowledge about, e.g., American Idol, but can’t identify their Assemblyman or Senator?

WNY has been in decline for 50 years. What we have managed is to identify the problems. What we have failed to do is adequately address them, or elect people who might do so. We don’t even have the wherewithal to look to nearby cities and regions so we can mimic what they’re doing.

40 years of failure? Or are we our own worst enemy?

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9 Responses to “PolitiFAIL Championship: Dale Volker vs. WNY Voters”

  1. Gabe April 1, 2010 at 9:35 am #

    Man, this was a tough one!! Basically choosing between the symbol of all that’s wrong with WNY politics and the actual engine running all the FAIL.

    Also, the old Hockey Night in Canada theme would have been wicked awesome for this match-up.

  2. Eric Saldanha April 1, 2010 at 9:53 am #

    Pogo wisdom applies here – We have met the enemy and he is us

  3. jesse April 1, 2010 at 12:54 pm #

    Pretty failsome voting widget. I’d think you guys could do better than having a google docs block show up.

    Gooooo Voters! You can win this thing!!

    • lefty April 1, 2010 at 7:29 pm #

      cForms would have done the trick……

  4. Greg April 1, 2010 at 1:49 pm #

    Seriously, how the hell do I choose? They should be co-winners.

  5. Mike in WNY April 1, 2010 at 2:00 pm #

    The voters are responsible but not guilty by virtue of insanity.  Many years of indoctrination have rendered the average voter incapable of knowing what is in his/her best interest.

  6. Gabe April 1, 2010 at 4:32 pm #

    ….yet they are perfectly rational economic actors!

    • Mike In WNY April 1, 2010 at 6:46 pm #

      Most would learn to be if allowed, that’s what differentiates us from snakes.

  7. too slow sue April 1, 2010 at 10:08 pm #

    There is a conspiracy! Steve Pigeon,Byron Brown and Steve Casey should have won hands down!

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