ESPN Writer: Trade Buffalo To Canada

4 Jan

Last night as the Canadian Junior Hockey team humiliated the American Junior team on the ice, the Canadian fans also took over the HSBC Arena.

The sellout crowd of 18,690 had to be about three-quarters Canadian fans. Maybe more. Canada’s national team jerseys, both the red and white versions, were omnipresent in every section you scanned.

And every chant of “U-S-A, U-S-A” was quickly drowned out by a much louder rumble of “Can-a-da, Can-a-da.”

By the middle of the second period, the Canada fans — the visitors, remember — were chanting, “This is our house, this is our house.” Then they started a full-out wave that sped around every corner of the building.

A Canadian fan chimed in on the overwhelming sea of red in the stands and the dominance of the Canadian fans.

“You didn’t realize this was Buffalo, Ontario?” remarked Ron Mathurin of Ottawa, Ont. “I expected a lot more American fans. That sea of red is just like being on Canadian soil.”

Interestingly, Ron “The Mullet” Mathurin (shocked that his name wasn’t Gord) wasn’t the only person with the “Buffalo, Ontario” idea.

Bill Simmons, aka The Sports Guy, is the preeminent blogger on and told his 1.3 Million Twitter followers that based on the scene in the arena, it was probably time that Canada annexed Buffalo.

Of course, all the knee-jerk Buffalo lovers on Twitter told him to stick his ideas up his own ass.  But is he wrong?  Isn’t it time that we gave up on the great American experiment and embraced our love for all things Canada?  America has left the Rust Belt behind for warmer climates and a dumber existence in the South and West.

We’re the top American markets for Canada’s greatest exports, Labatt Beer and Tim Horton’s Coffee.  Our menfolk enjoy the less morally restricted Canadian Ballet, we all like Chinese food in Fort Erie and it would be way more excellent to be an exurb of Toronto rather than the red-headed stepchild of New York City.

Also, we like hockey, Canadian healthcare is better, college is affordable, corporate taxes are lower, Toronto is going to take the Bills away from us soon anyhow, the Canadian financial system is properly regulated, American companies are building new plants in the great white north, the Canuck economy is booming and let’s be honest…our general laid back municipal attitude has a lot more in common with Canada than it does with the rest of America.

So, who do we call to make this happen?  Because I’m in.  I think it was this video that sold me.


19 Responses to “ESPN Writer: Trade Buffalo To Canada”

  1. Michael January 4, 2011 at 7:33 am #

    Sign me up. Working the tourney, the Canadian fans were a lot more fun

  2. Tom Dolina January 4, 2011 at 7:37 am #

    Tommunisms loves our neighbors to the North. Canada is one of our closest allies, and is filled with friendly folk. Plenty of great bands from there (and Nickleback too, but we can forgive them). And who can forget the great comedy stars that SCTV spawned? Toronto is just a short drive away from Buffalo. Casinos, nite clubs, and concerts aplenty in Canada. And Alan can tell you all the best brick oven pizza joints in Canada. They have a rich culture and history…yawn…. Behind their friendly, bland facade lies an unspoken evil. They come to our border-state malls in droves, driving like a monkeys on amphetamines. They don’t know how to use turn signals, fill up our parking lots and some even speak French! Left in their wake is a parking lot littered with old sneakers (you tax cheats!) and a slimey trail of maple syrup. And the recent victoty over the U.S. at the hockey tournament just makes it worse… And to think we invented the game…

  3. Brian Castner January 4, 2011 at 8:04 am #

    Done – you forgot 102.1 in the list of benies. When I travel around the country for work, and I tell people I’m from Buffalo, they assume I’m from Canada already. I do nothing to discourage the notion.

  4. BobbyCat January 4, 2011 at 8:43 am #

    This game generated a lot of interest, so why wasn’t it televised? I scanned the BuffNews TV listings and all sports stories looking for TV scheduling but found nothing. I found nothing in with WNY Media – no mention of any TV coverage or radio for that matter. I found a lot of obsure sports programming on the air but not the premier game of the tourney. I’m convinced that whoever handled the PR and advertising for this tournament is incompetent.

  5. Dan Gigante January 4, 2011 at 9:14 am #

    I’m in.
    I already have an agreement with a few friends that if sarah palin is elected president in 2012 i’m moving to canada
    game was televised on the NHL network, as i think all games of the tournament have been

  6. Rudybob Watkins January 4, 2011 at 9:20 am #

    Bobbycat – this game & a lot of the tournament has been broadcast on the NHL Network in the US & TSN in Canada. TSN has also been streaming video of Team Canada games over the internet. Unsure about radio options though I would imagine they’re somewhere @

  7. Peter-usrt January 4, 2011 at 9:20 am #

    Bobbycat- game was televised on the NHL Network…..

  8. Rory Allen January 4, 2011 at 10:20 am #

    I talked to several Canadians that said they have been following this tournament since they were little kids. This tournament is synonymous with winter break growing up there. They televise all the games etc, etc. It would be like hosting the NCAA basketball final four in Toronto and expecting them to care. They may like the raptors (or maybe not) but that doesn’t mean they follow all things basketball. Collectively, we here in buffalo are Sabres fans first…and USA hockey fans second (especially if Ryan Miller is on the team) Throw a bunch of kids on the ice in Team USA jersey’s that we have never heard of…and this is what you get. I (and I am sure others) were excited to see future Sabres Kassian and Foligno…and they play for… Canada.

  9. BobbyCat January 4, 2011 at 11:23 am #

    Thanks for the info. I have never seen the NHL network on my cable. I guess its not there. My point was that after scanning though all the stories on the tournament none of the BuffNews sportswriters bothered to mention that the game was on TV. Even while the game was being ‘blogged live”, there was no mention that it was being telecast. . That’s a failure of some PR person to get the information to the public. This game generated a lot of local interest, to say the least. Don’t you think its important to tell the general public its on TV?

  10. kbecker January 4, 2011 at 12:39 pm #

    gay marriage, legal AWESOME weed and a visit to the Dr’s.


  11. Ethan January 4, 2011 at 12:43 pm #

    um, whoa: gotta get the brewery open first please.  Canadian alcohol laws are about my only heavy-duty complaint with Canada-land, they’re much much worse then the NY SLA even.  

  12. Eric Saldanha January 4, 2011 at 1:43 pm #

    Shorter BobbyCat: I have never seen gravity…therefore, I doubt its existence

  13. Brian Castner January 4, 2011 at 1:48 pm #

    I present you Ethan: proof that a little practical business experience will turn ANYONE into a less-regulation capitalist. I see a future for you at the Cato Institute!

  14. pirate's code January 4, 2011 at 2:17 pm #

    @Eric Saldanha — A different take on your Shorter Bobbycat:  I have never seen gravity…therefore, someone must be blamed.

  15. pirate's code January 4, 2011 at 2:22 pm #

    As to the idea of getting our canuck on…don’t you think the rest of Canada is going to want something for taking us in?  I suspect the idea of trading Buffalo for Vancouver would create howls of laughter up north.  So, how do we sweeten the pot to make us more attractive to our northern neighbors?  Make sure Vidler’s is part of the deal?  Throw in Holiday Valley?  

    And, where would we put the new border?  At the Erie/Genesee County line?  Or maybe Transit Road?

  16. Jon Splett January 4, 2011 at 2:44 pm #

    This is the one and only thing that would get me to permanently move back to Buffalo. 

  17. BobbyCat January 4, 2011 at 8:58 pm #

    I like our Canadian cousins, but I’m an American and I’m staying here in the US of A. The last time I looked most of E-Ville homes belonged to Canucks. Most of the license plates in many malls are Canadian. But If you want to move to Canada, stop talking about it and do it. And hurry.

    (see, I did that without a single cheap shot)

  18. Ethan January 5, 2011 at 11:47 am #

    @Brian: meh; felt that way 20 years ago, too.  The problem is that my political and economic views are just too complex to easily pigeonhole.  A generic, context-free, Platonic-ideal of a “regulation” doesn’t exist, so I can’t be thought of being wholesale pro- or anti-regulation.  

  19. STEEL January 5, 2011 at 1:25 pm #

    They should have shown the Bucky dome while it was burning down.

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