Rewind: A Collins Carol (2008)

28 Sep

‘Twas 2008, and the county was screwed
the people were not in a holiday mood.
The taxes, they said, were quite high, thanks, enough,
and people agreed that the times were quite tough.

On a floor called sixteen, a man crunched up some numbers
Six Sigma, he thought, would drag us out of our slumber.
Amid raises for managers, programs were cut.
The lawmakers’ charges, he’d always rebut.

In order to pay for his raises so steep,
the people’d fish money from pockets less deep.
Thanks to meltdowns and layoffs – economy dire,
taxpayers had little up there to admire.

But lawmakers thought they could do him one better
and changed his proposals – some letter by letter.
They cut all the raises, revived some dead funding,
and wondered, who died and made this guy the king?

On the floor of sixteen, Collins grew quite enraged,
and the comptroller soon had to become more engaged.
Explaining to Collins his budget was faulty,
but not using language one might think was too salty.

He told the lawmakers that they were wrong, too.
Their outlook was based on too blissful a view.
A budget like theirs, higher taxes required,
a result that really quite no one desired.

The leg passed its budget, some vetoes were used.
The leg overrode some, those cuts they refused.
Then from the Rath Building arose some weird chatter.
The People then wondered, “NOW, what was the matter?”

It seemed a dispute had arisen quite great,
as to which branch of power could set the tax rate.
The executive said, he’s the man with the pen,
while the leg thought that it could. It told him, and then…

To court they all went, led by Lynn Marinelli.
against Collins and Green, (I saw her on the telly).
Judge Feroleto granted Lynn an injunction,
who argued that Collins had usurped a leg function.

Then Judge Peradotto, the leg soon lamented,
ordered that Collins’ bills could be printed.
So from Springville to Amherst and then Lackawanna,
we’ll pay more for less stuff, sort of anti-nirvana.

When green and red budgets were part of existence,
we complained and cajoled, and put up some resistance.
the problems keep coming, they should all feel shame.
For now everything new can seem old again.

(Originally published December 27, 2008).

4 Responses to “Rewind: A Collins Carol (2008)”

  1. Brian F. Wood September 28, 2011 at 12:00 pm #

    Isn’t the abbreviation for legislature spelled “lege”? I don’t think anyone would mistake Chris Collins for Santa Claus, except that both are legendary, one of them to lots of christians, the other only in his own mind.

  2. Jesse September 28, 2011 at 3:22 pm #

    You should kick Chris in the balls and tell him to come back.  Two daily bloggers is better than one, and I miss the Morning Grumpy.

  3. Ray September 28, 2011 at 5:39 pm #

    I’ve always gone with the Molly Ivins spelling of “Lej,” which, I’m sure Rachacha can confirm, is what City Paper uses in reference to Maggie’s Farm.

  4. Hank September 29, 2011 at 11:22 am #

    And in the post after this, Brian says “Good Heavens”. Collins is confused, but he’s not a confused heathen.

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