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With Apologies to Ludwig Bemelmans

16 Dec

In an old house in Buffalo, covered with snow

lived a grumpy old man, with buckets of dough. 

With buckets of dough, he sent his notes

called the press, and shilled for votes. 

He smiled at the right and RINOs he mourned

and sometimes he’d forward equestrian porn. 

He left the house at half past nine in an X-5

in rain or snow – the angry one is Paladino. 

He likes dollars, euros, escudos – 

he shows up on Fox with Neil Cavuto. 

To the rhino in the zoo,

Carl just says, “fuck you!”

And no one knew so well 

how to scream or how to yell. 

One day Carl stood at the door

of the former Maltese ambassador

He had helped a man named Brian

whom he had defamed on a sign. 

Everybody had to snarl. 

Everyone was pissed at Carl. 

To Astorino and to Trump, 

Carl would not be such a grump.

Carl had threatened, cajoled, and whined, 

he’d run on the Conservative line. 

But Skelos and Kolb were the big priority, 

for his microscopic tea party minority. 

Good night, all you teabaggers, 

and thanks for your drama! 

Now go back to hating

that Kenyan n0bama!

Now, let’s turn out the light

and close the door. 

That’s all there is, 

there isn’t any more.