Tag Archives: sex

Bob McCarthy’s (g)O(p)-Face

3 Feb

Photo via @MichaelRCaputo at Twitter

The Buffalo News’ political columnist Bob McCarthy has fallen in love. Like the woman who married the Eiffel Tower, and Quasimodo’s love for the bells, McCarthy has a deep crush on Donald Trump’s private 757

At first, poor Bob was sad.  A promised tour of Trump’s jet didn’t materialize, so he was left to examine his love by transcribing the voice-over from a YouTube video. You could feel his disappointment. He recited its most intimate details – its $100 million cost; the fact that, like a trophy wife, it replaced a much older, less attractive 727. Bob lovingly quoted people who explained how Donald Trump spares no expense to surround himself with only the loudest and tackiest accouterments; gold plated things, silk things, personal bedroom with a desk, big screen TV, Rolls Royce Engines – the politics column took its writing cues from Robin Leach or 50 Shades of Grey.  

Well, little Bob’s whining got him better than a tour of the plane, he went inside it; he got to ride it

Dissecting the strategies of a statewide race around an exquisite oak table is exactly the kind of political scene you might envision involving a top Republican like Donald J. Trump, especially when he’s mulling a challenge to Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo.

But when the conversation takes place thousands of feet above New York State, aboard what he proudly calls “the world’s most luxurious airplane,” you get a sense of just how unique this campaign might be.

Oh, it’ll be unique, alright. Will Bob get to see the plane again? Its oak table – it’s so…exquisite. Giddy like a schoolboy, the man with the mustache and tan blazer is inhaling his surroundings. He’s mentally noting every detail, as if he was trying to design the setting of his every future dream. This gorgeous bird soars above the depressed landscape below. Look down at it – so common, so unluxurious; so unworthy of being under this plane. 

So during a Friday afternoon interview with The Buffalo News aboard Trump’s $100 million Boeing 757 en route from New York to Buffalo, the Manhattan real estate mogul laid down his conditions in the clearest language yet.

The cost of that aircraft – that pricetag is Bob noticing the plane from across the room.  A furtive glance; he smiles.  The mighty 757 smiles back. It looks him up and down.  It bites its lip. He hastily gulps his drink and looks away. What to do?!

Bob tries to regain his composure. His heart rate is elevated, and he’s playing out scenarios in his mind, while sitting in that plane and pretending to pay attention to Trump’s demands of complete party unity. 

[State Repubican Chairman Ed] Cox, who attended the Salvatore’s event Friday evening and has clearly favored Astorino, continues to feel the brunt of Trump’s barbs. From his customary luxury seat around a small meeting table, glancing occasionally at the snowy landscape below, Trump on Friday dialed up his criticism of the chairman.

The luxury seat. What other sort would there be on this beautiful, gold-encrusted, silk-strewn beast? Oh, Trump. He doesn’t appreciate this plane, glancing down as he is at all the potential fracking sites, dreaming of ways to scar the upstate landscape. Bob isn’t looking out – he’s looking around. He is inside his love, they are in a warm and passionate embrace, and he has no time for snow or landscapes; no interest in the black-and-white winter tableau below. 

“He’s a nice guy, but he hasn’t won anything,” he said, adding Cox is pushing Astorino because “he doesn’t know any better.”

“You’ll never see him in a plane like this,” he said of Cox.

So Trump in essence is inviting Cox to either climb aboard the Trump bandwagon – or in this case, the Trump 757 – or face what he calls an inevitable pummeling. Ditto for Astorino.

Wait a second. Trump’s getting wise to Bob’s shenanigans. Trump can see the passion in Bob’s eyes, and he knows that the plane’s heart is not fickle. No, N757AF loves Trump, and Trump loves it, and no two-bit reporter from some upstate hellhole can rend the two asunder. Not Ed Cox, and certainly not the likes of the News’ political columnist.  But all the while, McCarthy is mentally scribbling “Bob N757AF” dreaming of a wedding day that will never come. 

Trump has no problem dwelling on that “very nice life.” Watching a golf tournament on the 57-inch screen stretching across mid-cabin, he casually drops the fact he has won a string of club championships.

“I’m a good golfer,” he said.

But he also thinks the opulence that surrounds him could prove his point.

“People want to see success; I would like to show my financial statement,” he said. “I’m one of those guys who says let’s make a lot of money so we don’t have to cut, even though I know that last part doesn’t sound very Republican.”

Oh, how you’re teasing Bob. 57-inch screen in a plane? Not 56″ or 50″ – that’s for the lumpenproles toiling away 25,000 feet below. And it’s tuned to golf – something slow to help Bob calm down. Maintain, Bob. Maintain. Of course it’s golf – Bob’s new Boeing-built mistress knows what he likes. It understands him. It gets him. It’s like he’s re-born. Like the world is new. All it needs now is Steve Pigeon on its speed dial. 

The plane landed  in Buffalo, gracefully classing up a joint more accustomed to mere 737s and commuter jets. McCarthy had to leave his crush. Maybe he promised to keep in touch. Maybe they exchanged Snapchat usernames or followed each other on Instagram. Maybe Bob is liking all of the plane’s pictures on Facebook. OMG, he thinks, it’s totes adorbs. 

But the $100 million lover with the exquisite oak, the 57 inches of lovin’, and the gold-encrusted seatbelts is gone now. As soon as humanly possible after leaving Salvatore’s, Trump and his plane – which has been compared to those belonging to Middle Eastern kleptomaniacal despots like Muammar Qaddafi – flew down to Palm Beach. 

Oh, they’re soaking up the sun, Trump and that 757 beauty. But Bob’s waiting longingly for his reunion with his love. 

Poor Bob. When Trump decides that the party isn’t unified enough and decides not to run, Astorino’s chartered turboprop is going to be so lame. 

Carlos Danger & IOKIYAR

24 Jul

Because everyone’s a puritan busybody, everyone will call on serial sexter Carlos Danger (aka Anthony Weiner) to pull out of the New York City mayoral race in the wake of new evidence of his horny behavior. Lost in this is that the only thing he’s known to have done is text dick pics to women who were willing participants in the sexting. I’m not condoning or condemning what he did any more than I condone or condemn whatever you want to do sexually. 

To the holy rollers who are all a-shocked and a-stunned, consider why Louisiana congressman David Vitter is still happily in congress and spouting off about “family values” despite being caught up in a prostitution scandal – involving actual sexual intercourse – and diapers. Why should that creep still be in office and Weiner be treated any differently? 

Yesterday, Howard Stern interviewed Alec Baldwin, and the two talked about Bloomberg, Weiner, and Spitzer. While Stern is a fan of Bloomberg’s, Baldwin is not, and expressed that he thinks the billionaire three-term mayor has made New York City a worse place to live for everyone except the ultra-rich. They then turned to Spitzer and Weiner, and rhetorically asked, “do you really think Spitzer wants to be New York City comptroller?” Baldwin suggested that they’re both so incredibly ego-driven that Weiner saw this race as his political comeback, and Spitzer – not to be outdone – thought, “why not me?” and entered his race at the 11th hour.  The argument was that both of them were in it for their own egos than for any desire to serve the public (and both Baldwin and Stern would be exquisitely in tune with that motivation). 

I’m not saying Spitzer and Danger should get a pass. On the contrary, I think their behavior calls their sincerity, maturity, and seriousness into question. But Weiner committed no crime, although Larry Craig may have. Spitzer did, but so did Vitter. Chris Lee’s shirtless Craigslist trolling was one notable exception of a Republican screwing up and getting the hell out of dodge, mostly because his white, elderly, conservative constituency would never go for that sort of thing. Why is there a double standard here whereby it’s ok if you’re a Republican

I don’t think that’s necessarily the way it works, and Lee proves it. What this does is harken back to the way in which the Supreme Court had treated broadcast indecency and obscenity cases – the law leaves it up to “community standards” to dictate what language is and isn’t acceptable. 

It therefore follows that community standards in New York City – a place where 8 million people are constantly in each other’s faces and privacy is at a premium – is going to have a different tolerance for nonsense than, say, East Amherst. Louisiana has a weird, permissive culture all its own – unique for the South – that Vitter can get away with diaper whoring. 

In the end, Weiner said there’d be more, and now there’s more. Don’t act so shocked. 

Jack Davis Campaign Staffer By Day, Male Escort By Night

14 Mar

Campaigning for a congressional seat is serious business; Congress is serious business.  It behooves us, the people, to avoid sending irresponsible dummies to represent us in Congress if at all possible. For instance, knowing what we know now, perhaps more people would have refused to vote for former Rep. Chris Lee (R – Clarence/Disgraced).

Coming on the heels of Lee’s epic, half-day-long self-immolation at the temple of Craigslist’s finest “passable TS/CD”, a gaggle of people are clamoring to run for a seat that could very well be redistricted out of existence next go-around. The Republicans have already selected Jane Corwin to run for the NY-26 seat, and marginally-more-conservative Iraq War veteran David Bellavia is coming at Corwin from the right.  The Democrats waited until there was an election called to begin their selection process in earnest.

Regardless of whom the Democrats select, there will be a fourth candidate – Jack Davis of the loony party. Davis, who couldn’t get elected in 2004, or again in 2006 in the wake of Tom Reynolds’ involvement in the Mark Foley congressional page sex scandal, or even make it through the primary against Jon Powers and Alice Kryzan in 2008, figures that the 4th time’s the charm. He’s reconfigured his website, hired the Clownshoes Political Consultancy, Ltd, got himself on the Twitters, and even has a solitary Facebook fan.

But when someone runs for Congress – especially a seat made vacant due to sex scandal, you’d figure that the candidate would properly vet his campaign staff and weed out … well, weed out the male prostitutes.

Last week, ads began popping up on Craigslist and other free online classifieds like Backpage seeking campaign workers for a campaign starting March 10th. Prospective employees were asked to call “Jay” at a number with a 303 area code; Colorado.  Here’s one from backpage that’s still cached in Google:

The ads, while cached, have since been quickly scrubbed by the person who posted them when people started connecting the dots. Here’s the Craigslist ad that appeared in the Buffalo section – again featuring Jay with a 303 area code:

That ad still appears, but instead urges people to call Jay at a 716 area code. “Jay” at that 303 area code is named Jay Lasher, whose political provenance isn’t clear through Google searches; it’s hard to fathom why he was selected to do the hiring for a nascent political campaign. Here’s his MySpace profile, which now sports a different name:

Here’s the top of his Facebook profile, which has since seen its name changed and information locked down:

Here’s how it looks today, with the same Palin profile image, but the same changed name as the MySpace profile, in what appears to be a clear effort to conceal.

So, what’s all this about male prostitution, you ask? Well, click to enlarge this wholly different ad that Lasher evidently took out last year through Backpage.com. Note the inventive transformation of that same 303 phone number. His email? “jay4massage”. He has strong hands that know how to be soft and the desire to make this an event you’ll never forget.  I wonder if that’s the pitch he gave Jack Davis about collecting petition signatures?

Click to enlarge

Lasher also apparently took out this ad in “CityVibe”, offering escort services and massage. Again, same phone number, same 303 area code, and the lanky, long-haired guy in the image closely resembles the profile image in Lasher’s MySpace profile:

Click to enlarge

Stamina, drive, and “strong hands” that “know how to be gentle”.

The following ad that Lasher evidently took out is particularly unsafe for work and quite sexually explicit.  Again, it features the name “Jay” as in “jay4massage” and the same 303 area coded number.

The first image shows the information; his phone number, his email address, and the special and stamina-y services he offers.

Click to enlarge

Here’s the second part of the ad, which reveals his “strong hands”.

Click to enlarge

Note especially the fascinating disclaimer:

Click to enlarge

Lastly, three graphic ways of proving that the ad is “NOT an offer of prostitution!”

We’re not passing judgment on homosexuality or sensual massage or happy endings or whether prostitution should be legal. None of those philosophical issues matter.  Jay Lasher is, as far as we’re concerned, free to pursue any employment he wants whether it’s being a male escort or getting petitions for the execrable Jack Davis. (Frankly, the former may be more morally correct than the latter).

What matters here is that xenophobic newly-minted tea partier, former Republican-turned-Democrat-turned-nutter Jack Davis has demonstrated such poor judgment and political self-awareness that he hired a guy off the street to run his petition effort who happens to have recently hired himself out as an erotic masseuse, claiming not to be  a male prostitute, despite adding pictures of his erect penis to his “massage” ads.  Literally anyone with a rank knowledge of how to use Google could have vetted Jay Lasher a bit better.

On Friday, WNYMedia editor Chris Smith emailed David DiPietro, (who is officially employed by the Jack Davis campaign) and asked him if he was aware that someone named Jay Lasher with a 303 area code telephone number was soliciting paid canvassers on behalf of the Davis campaign.  DiPietro replied, “Jack does have an outside firm helping with petitions along with a number of volunteers.  I do not know the ‘Jason’ you are talking about, but I am not directly involved in the petition part of the campaign.  I will find out tommorrow (sic).  It is too late tonight.  The 303 number does sound familiar.  I’ll let you know.”

Calls made to Lasher’s 303 number were, likewise, not answered or returned.

Click to enlarge

After two days of waiting for that response, Smith again emailed DiPietro and campaign attorney Jim Ostrowski for comment on the specific matter of Lasher’s alleged masseuse-cum-escort side-job, we are still awaiting an official reply.  This morning, in response to this active Craigslist ad enjoining people to call “Jay” at a 716 number about working in the campaign office, Smith called asking to speak with Jay, Jeremey, Jason, and any other “J” name he could think of, ending in “Lasher”.  The woman who answered confirmed that the number was, in fact, the Davis campaign’s office, but that no one named “Jay” worked there, or had ever worked there.  A follow-up call revealed an outgoing voice mail message featuring a male voice asking people who are calling about the “ad” to leave their information.

If this is how Davis goes about hiring campaign staff, whom exactly will he hire should he go to Congress?  It’s about smarts and responsibility.

The voters of the 26th Congressional district have suffered through Jack Davis’ moneyed temper tantrums three times already, and each time has been an utter disaster. He’s alienated everyone who supported or helped him in those efforts, and has become a grumpy, reclusive, immigrant-hating Monty Burns who thinks he can buy himself a Congressional seat.

Just say no to Jack Davis, his petitions, their carriers, and his final quixotic exercise in self-aggrandizement.

The Epitome of a Federal Program

3 Feb

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, via Videogum, Derek the Abstinence Clown.


Abstinence-only education is all well and good, but it’s pretty much a failure. I fully expect Derek to end up in a South Park episode someday.